i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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