I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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