I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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