i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
