I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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