There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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