The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
