Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
