It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize