One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
