she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
