Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
