I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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