Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
