Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
