i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
