one two three fourrrrnication!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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