You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
