and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He? As in you personified your dick?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
