My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
