the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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