I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
