In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
