While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
