i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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