Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
