Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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