I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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