At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
