We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
