It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
