I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
