I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
