We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it hurts more in the daytime
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
