my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
