Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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