Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
