tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
