I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
