Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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