It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
