At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
