Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
