Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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