butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can text with my tongue
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
