im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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