Your dad touched me again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
