your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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