I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
someone owes me an orgasm
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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