i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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