i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
