I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
